i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
