i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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