Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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