The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
