buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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