I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
