I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
