capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
