I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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