I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
