i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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