If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
