i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
