just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
