me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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