24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
