Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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