Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
