He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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