I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
