rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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