you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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