Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
