Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
