I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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