all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
