Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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