I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
