oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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