I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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