I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
