Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
