Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
