Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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