i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
