i just had sex bonerless
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
