can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
