Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
