Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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