It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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