Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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