Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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