Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
