your thong is hanging out like whoa
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
