He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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