At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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