I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
