babies were throwing up all over the place
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
