maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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