so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
