I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
