He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
